And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
