i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
