Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
