the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
