If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
