If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
