He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
