Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
