I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
