I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
