so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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