my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
