Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
