Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
