Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
