Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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