Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
