oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
