I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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