He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
