If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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