ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
