WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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