You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
