Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
