Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
