I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
