He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
