nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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