pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
