you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
