with your own penis?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
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I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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