these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Randomize
