I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
