How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
