WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
