dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
