I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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