so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
