I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
