it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
