I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Less talking, more tequila
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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