Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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