weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
