and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
