the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
