addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
