people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
