Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
