What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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