just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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