New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
