Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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