wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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