She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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