A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He kissed a someone with a penis
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
