So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
