I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
