One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
