We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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