sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
