We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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