so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
