At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
