I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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