I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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