dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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