I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
