i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
