i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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