She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
