i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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