omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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