I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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