I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
