Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
