If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
