I look better un-naked...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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